Part I · City Council · Satire
Counsel One Step Ahead of Provincial Critics
City Hall moves to restore alignment at the water and arts desks before the public can become confused by independent judgment.
MEDFORD—City Council announced in closed sessions recently that it remains one full step ahead of its provincial critics, largely by taking the step somewhere the critics were not invited.
Council said it was determined to bring the Rogue Water Commission and Arts Council Committee to heel, pending the installation of personnel more responsive to Counsel’s requirements. The unusual spelling was retained in the official explanation so residents would understand that advice had already become policy by the time deliberation began.
Surplus discovered in restricted habitat
The Water Commission director again embarrassed Council by producing a surplus budget and then leaving it attached to water. Officials described the untraded balance as a breakdown in interdepartmental imagination.
A surplus assigned to its stated purpose cannot be horse-traded for other uses, Council noted, depriving the community of the flexibility to discover what the money was for after deciding where it should go. The director was instructed to develop a more collaborative definition of stewardship.
A budget that ends where it began leaves very little room for leadership.
Arts Committee fails to tag moving target
Council also reprimanded the Arts Council Committee for failing to coordinate its graffiti-tagging campaign with the implementation, removal and implementation of the controversial Main Street bike lane.
The committee defended itself by explaining that each approved design became historically inaccurate before the paint dried. One depicted a permanent lane. Another depicted its removal. A third attempted to honor both decisions simultaneously and was referred to Transportation for engineering review.
In response, Council unveiled a decisive new phase of participatory government: residents may choose which civic tag best expresses the bike lane. The winning design will carry advisory authority until the next implementation phase, at which point public input may be reopened, reclassified or painted over.
Part II · Mandatory voluntary engagement
Choose the official Main Street Bike Lane tag
Select the public artwork that best captures the implementation, removal and implementation process.
The Arts Council Committee thanks you for participating before the outcome is known.